When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
