it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
