Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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