gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
