Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize