fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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