In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
