Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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