It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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