so that wasnt chicken after all
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
