Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
