Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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