My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
