just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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