This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
