somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
