the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
