i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
