How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
