trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
