I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
