they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
