It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize