: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
