Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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