i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
should my penis look like a turkey
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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