i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
