You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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