I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
