My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just gift wrapped bread.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
