too bad you live with your parents still
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
