whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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