Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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