Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You dont lie about slip and slides
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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