So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
