when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
