remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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