I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
