if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize