I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
