i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So. Much. Porn.
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