I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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