so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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