just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
