i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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