How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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