I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
