hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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