I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
