You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I smell like Dick and happiness
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
