I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why do cheetos always look like penises
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
