Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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