I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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