Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
