Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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