Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
