dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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