She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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