theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
