How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
