I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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