Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
