just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
