I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Please don't give away my fajitas
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
