I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
