I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
