I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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