how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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