weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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