I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
