paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize