peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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