There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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