Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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